It’s OK to be fluid – faith changes

David Hayward, 14th Jul 2016 2 comments

Some days an angry atheist, at others a gentle believer, what matters, says David Hayward, is not that our feelings change, but that we have the freedom to keep exploring.

It’s Okay to be Fluid

I live on the Kennebecasis River. It’s deep, wide, and beautiful.
It also changes every day.
No two days is it the same. It’s constantly moving. It has a constant impact on its surroundings.

We’ve lived here for 13 years. Sometimes we consider moving. But then we realize how much we’d miss this river that we see every day.
Every day a different river. Every day the same river.
And never once is it embarrassed that it changes. Because it always possesses its river-ness.

One of the things I’ve noticed in my crazy, unpredictable, constantly changing spiritual journey, is that I confuse people. Why, I even confuse myself. People complain that they find it hard to peg me. They get frustrated that no two days am I the same. Some days I seem like a gentle believer and some days I seem like an angry atheist.

Constant transformation

But I’ve learned to not let that influence me. I’m not stressed about it. I’ve learned to not care. Because, like the river, I’m constantly transforming. Every day something different to behold. Sometimes as gentle as can be. Other days as tormented as humanly possible. But I don’t care. Because I never lose my river-ness.

When we post our angry rants against all belief one day and then the next day mention our beliefs with affection… or whatever… I’m never alarmed by that. Behind all the inconsistent beliefs is the consistency of you.

And besides, who is this “you”? Who is this “me”? I’ve come to question even that. That, for me, has become a very fluid, flighty, and impermanent thing. The “I” for me has become as slender as the letter itself.

Because what’s most important is not consistency of belief, but consistency of freedom and independence.

Don’t be embarrassed by your different manifestations that reflect your changing thoughts that express your transforming mind that display your fluid self.

Be the river that you are.
You’re terribly beautiful!

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Responses

  • J, 12th Dec 2016

    -Boring. The idea of a river, actually, tied to faith and living a life in faith (let
    alone a life _on_ faith in Christ), is that, “The _whole_ river _is_ that faith.” ! -If
    you _get_ that you don’t go off on any tangent as to how you _feel_ in the
    faith on any day. ! The comprehensiveness of an actual entirety describes
    faith of the believer in Jesus Christ, as we go through His birth (born again);
    death and resurrection; crucified with Him and raised in the power of God as
    well: shared in the relationship _He_ shares with the Father, in the presence of
    the Holy Ghost or Spirit. That…is the fulness of faith in (and thereby on) God. !

  • Lori, 30th Apr 2017

    Thank you for this! I’ve been feeling a great deal of fluidity in my faith in the
    last several years and your post helped me to view that in a better way. I truly
    do appreciate your insight and sharing.